I realize life for what it is

A normal life, school, College then a good ole' 50K a year job, isn't that the most simple life?, I thought that maybe that was a normal life, but no at least not for me, me I was home schooled and well that didn't go to well, I'm an idiot I'm 23 and in Elementary school, I blame no one but myself though, I could have studied on my own and went to college but like most kids would I spent most of my preteens and early childhood playing games, video games and all of that dumb, crap and still I regret it all that I desire now is to have wealth and be smart, that would be the best thing for me, but now I see my life as finished, I have a Social Anxiety disorder, so asking for help and reaching out to people is very difficult for me, even just talking or holding a conversation with a person makes me feel uneasy and uncomfortable, but that's just life, after going through hardship after hardship and not seeing any light at the end of the tunnel, I've come to realize that you are not supposed to be happy in life, or maybe that's just me.

but even though I feel like that I think there is still hope, I will never give up hope.